I prayed for more time with Dave. I asked God to let me keep him until he was 75. He died at 70.

Afterward, I had to make room for some complicated feelings about God, faith, prayer, and what I had asked for but didn’t receive.

A pastor once reminded me that God has big shoulders—big enough for my questions, my disappointment, and even my anger. I learned that struggling with God didn’t mean I had lost my faith.

Sometimes it meant I was leaning into it in a different way.